After coming home from work on Saturday evening, the family were excited. They had agreed that the following day they wanted to put up the Christmas decorations.
"But it's only 14th November " was my reply. Never in all the years I had been married had we put up the Christmas decorations, certainly as a child we never had the decorations up before my Dad's birthday on 2nd December. This year was going to be hard, being the first year without him. I can always remember getting up every Christmas morning and my dad putting on Merry Christmas darling by the Carpenters LP. And doing his strange little dance in the lounge. The very last time we celebrated Christmas at my house with my parents, the album was transferred to a CD. My parents danced in the kitchen together, I was aware of the significance that Christmas. I remember dropping them off home with my eldest son that Christmas day evening and cried as we drove home. I explained to him why I was so sad as I knew that it would be our last Christmas, as he was dying of Myeloma.
This year, his birthday and Christmas loomed and I just didn't want to think about it, I wanted to bury my head in the sand and forget about it all. I ignored their wedding anniversary in November, as I just didn't know what to do. It's almost like if I didn't think about it, or continue without doing anything about it. It will go away. And I wouldn't have to face the pain of loosing him.
But then, I took a look at my family. I realise that I have them.
Perhaps it's time to move forward, to write a new chapter. A chapter that is filled with happiness, not the pain.
However I found it difficult to snap out of this melancholy and take part in the excitement as they got out the Christmas decorations. I realised that I was in a bad mood. One of the boys commented on my "Bah humbug attitude". It was true I was being a misery and not embracing the joyful mood the family were in. Christmas channel was selected by "Alexa" who played the seasonal tunes. A cinnamon candle was lit, and before very long the house was "... beginning to look like Christmas" . I chuckled to myself as I reminisced on my youngest commenting on Michael Buble crooning along many years before, that our house 'That it really wasn't beginning to look like Christmas". But this year we had really excelled ourselves; we were the first family on the street to have their tree up. We could just imagine the neighbours twitching at the curtains " Hey... No 1 have got their tree up! Is that a first?"
By the time we had finished, it was time to walk the dogs in the drizzle, we met other families out facing the weather, with dogs and small boys in tow. My husband announced proudly that the Christmas Dec where up. I could see the other husbands scowling at his glee. Their wives joined in, "Oh ...I said we should have put ours up today....we could have gone back to a Christmas movie." The husband glared at their wives "no it's too early!"
"Oh that's what I thought" I ignored the snappy comment "We should go back for... a nice hot chocolate, and Christmas movie" I smiled.
On return from out gloomy walk, we arrived into a house sparkling and filled with happiness.
twinkling lights and bright sparkling star, at the door. Just this simple act seemed to fill me with joy. We snuggled down to a cup of tea, slice of pecan pie and a Christmas movie on Netflix "Jingle Jangle' .
So this year Christmas shall be embraced rather than pushed away...